Scriptwriting Exercise. Whoop dee doo...

Yes, I'm THIS bored.

Stage direction for two characters:
a) A highly nervous person
b) A deeply religious person

a) The location: Office - Conference Room

Paul walks into the room and sits in a chair, placing his resume on his lap. He then picks it up and flips through it before placing it back down. He picks it up again and moves it in various positions. He sits upright in his chair and looks around the room.

After sitting there for a while, he picks at the fluff on his jacket and adjusts it to make sure it's straight. He is acutely aware of his surroudings, eyes shifting towards the door as he hears a hand on the doorknob.

b) The location:

(This deeply religious person is tearing the group apart. As we're doing this, someone suggested that someone who isn't deeply religious isn't considerate. That didn't settle down nicely with me. Luckily... Rae said we should change the person: An activist who champions a cause.)

b) New location with new person: In a car

Debbie sits in the passenger seat of her husband's car. The phone rings and as she reaches to answer it, she looks at the caller ID. She frowns for a fraction of a second and purses her lips. Flipping open her phone, she answers hesitantly, unsure of what to expect.

Her face falls to an expression of concern and anxiety. She ends the phonecall abruptly, snapping the phone shut. Debbie closes her eyes and breathes deeply, bracing herself.

Opening her eyes with a look of new found determination and proceeds to rapidly dial a number on her phone.

Oh what joy. Now for the next exercise... *bounces completely UNENTHUSIASTICALLY*
Improve the given dialogue:

JANE
We need to get going if we want to catch the bus
Group: We'll be stranded here if we don't move now!
Me: We're soooo gunna get fucked if we don't get a move on.

LOUIS
Yes, the last bus leaves at midnight
Group: Ah don't worry, there's enough time.
Me: Yea, last bus' at 12. Chillax.. There's loadsa time.

JANE
There's ten minutes to midnight
Group: NO! We've only got ten minutes!
Me: WTF. If we don't get to the bus stop in the next 10 minutes we're so screwed.

LOUIS
Really, my watch is slow ten. It reads eleven forty-three.
Group: You mean you'll be screwed. Not me.
Me: Oh what the hell. I CBF. Let's just cab it. You'll get there faster anyway. No diff to me.

JANE
...
Group: C'mon, let's just go!
(JANE grabs LOUIS and frags him along. Before they reach the bus stop, the bus rattles past. JANE panics.)
Me: I'm friggin broke! Move your arse and get me home!

LOUIS
...
Group: Oh look! The bus! Your bus! (laughs)
Me: I'll pay.

JANE
...
Group: (pulls out phone to call a cab) Ok, whatever.
Me: Fine. Gahh... Hate it that she keeps pulling these guilt trips. Totally ruins my nights.

Tell me now, which one reads better?