(future) Husband, pretty please...

(and I won't be so presumptuous as to include a name in that header)

...can we have wedding dinner by the beach and for our first dance, this song:



What about you? What song will you have for your first dance?

California Dreaming

Ok, so I didn't dream of California... But I promise my dream was equally as enthralling. Apparently your dreams reflect things that have happened to you, things you've watched and things you want to happen. It's your brain taking things a step further. And sometimes... It goes a little too far.

(I think it was because I watch a snippet of Deep Blue before I went to bed, in particular the scene where Alba is tied up and the bad dude is breathing down her neck and is threatening to rape her and there are loads of people on the boat at that time)

I'll skip the graphic details because well... It's not nice. Basically, I'm tied up and gagged, gang raped and abused. Beaten. Thrown around. Cut.

Then somehow I'm free and I have a gang of friends with me. I hunt down the rapists and when I get to the main fella that instigated the whole thing, I get my friends to rape him before we twist his genitalia until it is taut. A blunt blade finishes the job, making sure he never abuses his manhood again.

Then suddenly I'm walking up the ramp leading up to the café at RMIT and I walk past Marco. Of all people... I walk past the least likely person to be in a Uni.

I woke up at some point after that and tried to wake Justin up. Still shaken from the nightmare and a little unsteady, I managed to wake him up. He sat up, said a brief: "It's just a dream, B. Just sleep," before lying back down and falling fast asleep again. Any recollection of paying me no attention whatsoever? No.

Whilst completing my screen shots for my Media and Meaning assignment, Photoshop decided to pull a fast one on me whilst I was saving the damned image. Cue spinning wheel of death... So I ran into Singz room and woke her up. She rolled over, opened her eyes and managed: "Oh no... So how?" before she started snoring again.

What the hell is wrong with me, disasters and people that can't stay awake for an emergency?!

***

Singz: "Hey! The clouds are moving!"
Me: "Yes, darling. Clouds move..."
Singz: "... I knew that... I did!"
...
Singz: "The big poofy ones have gone away. It's all sky now..."

Bless the Blonde.

Erm, excuse me?

Me: "Ok, have fun! See you back home later!"
Han: "Bye, Kelly!"
Random other Baccarat player: "Erm, excuse me? Can I have your score card please?"
Me: "Heh, sorry, I need it..."
*puzzled looks from other players*

Well I couldn't exactly tell them out loud that I was going to keep my virgin-Baccarat-experience-with-Justin-score card, could I?!

Happy Anniversary to my Bitch and her Boy. Much love and many more to come! I appreciate that you guys took it to the next step and that you're in it together (yes, I know it's a bit difficult to be in a relationship with only one person... but trust me, it's possible and it isn't as ludicrous as it sounds).

Yeap, we'll theorise everything. We've even got Love down to the T.

It's almost depressing how something as precious as Love can be broken down and analysed in such a crass and grotesque manner. If Psychology has taught me nothing else this semester, I have definitely walked away with weird and odd perceptions of the way we grow up (sexually speaking).

Enter Oedipus. Written by Sophocles, he told a tale of a man who killed his Father unwittingly and married his Mother. To cut a long story short,the Oedipus Complex states that all young boys grow up lusting after their Mother but are scared that their Father will castrate them and that all young girls grow up with affection for their Father but are afraid that their Mother will cast them off.

Hmmm...

Sigmund Freud also formulated a fantastic series of stages called the Stages of Psychosexual Development. Divided up into five main stages, they categorise our development from birth to beyond puberty:
1) Oral
- Satisfaction from eating, sucking etc.
2) Anal
- Interest in and satisfaction from anal region.
3) Phallic
- Genitals become source of satisfaction.
4) Latency
- Boys and Girls spend little time together.
5) Genital
- Genitals become main source of pleasure.
I don't really think I need to go into further detail, no?

Then there's Sternberg who came up with the Triangular Theory of Love.


Liking/Friendship: intimacy but no passion or commitment.
Romantic Love: intimacy and passion but no commitment.
Companionate Love: intimacy and commitment but no passion.
Empty Love: commitment but no passion or intimacy.
Fatuous Love: commitment and passion but not intimacy.
Infatuated Love: passion but not intimacy or commitment.
Consummate Love: strongest form of love consisting of passion, intimacy and commitment.

There you have it, a totally unemotional account of love and how it develops as we grow up. How... Heartwarming.

Mr. Gilmour

I hope you find this useful! And for anyone else who is interested: Radio Blog Club

Big words. Oooohh...

Do you not abhor the instances when pompous professors use bombastic phrases when a laymen term will suffice?! Gawd it truly does annoy me to the crevices of my frail existence when one is not able to analyse and scrutinise a topic merely as a result of a 'higher being' thinking that he should prove his invaluable worth to us lowly students via the homo sapien method of communication.

Annoying isn't it?

For f's sake, can't they just write 'causes' instead of 'aetiology'? Or 'discovered' as opposed to 'cognition'?

I really don't like exams - thank gawd I've only got one.

It's alright to ask for help

Or is it?

You've probably heard this before, but I'll say it again: People don't actually want to know about your problems. They don't care. When they ask "How are you?!" that little voice inside their head is saying "Don't tell me, don't tell me..."

Sure, there are the few friends that you can open up to. Those that you can talk to about anything, but how many can you truly say take an interest in it?

Probably not many.

So who do you turn to? Who can you lean on? Who can you go to when you just want to blubber and sniffle and drool all over. I know it doesn't sound very glamorous, but we've all done it at some time or another. Well, point being, there aren't many who will endure that sort of torture, but when we come across the ones who will help out, who will listen, who will take the abuse that we give when we're depressed... Be thankful.

Someone extremely close to me told me last night that he knows I'm not that strong. That his sisters, his brother, his Mother and I aren't that strong. So much so that he'll gladly take any beating or sadness on our behalf, just so that we don't have to take it because he thinks that if he takes it, it doesn't matter. It won't be so bad. It'd be worse to watch us in pain and know that he could've taken it and would have taken it better.

I could kiss him.
Over.
And.
Over.
And.
Over.

Why don't we all try and be that someone for another. Reach out. Who can you help today?

***

On a lighter note to finish this off before I get back to mugging for my Psychology exam, Vicnan and I had a little chat about his first day back at Poly and it went something like this...

vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:40:47 PM)
oh yeah SCHOOL HAS SO MANY FAGS
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:40:53 PM)
really?
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:40:56 PM)
since when?!
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:41:03 PM)
well dunno if real fags
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:41:09 PM)
lolol
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:41:12 PM)
but totally limp wristed squealing homos
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:41:16 PM)
and this is coming from me
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:41:18 PM)
i have no idea
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:41:21 PM)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:41:24 PM)
we were all so disturbed
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:41:28 PM)
a seriously large number
...
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:45:09 PM)
as in
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:45:11 PM)
there was this boy
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:45:13 PM)
in SHORTS
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:45:16 PM)
like, canvas shorts
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:45:20 PM)
IN YELLOW
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:45:28 PM)
...
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:45:45 PM)
gross
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:45:49 PM)
and on top? or was that it... u know.. given the situation. haha
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:46:01 PM)
nono
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:46:12 PM)
this black and white stripy thing
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:46:22 PM)
you know, the big black specs, curly hair
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:46:37 PM)
=\
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:52:39 PM)
well i'm sure its jus a fashion phase
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:52:47 PM)
or maybe being gay is now cool
kJL : he always shone for me. says: (3:52:50 PM)
:D
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:53:03 PM)
pff
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:53:03 PM)
see what i mean
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:53:08 PM)
singaporeans = trendy
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:53:15 PM)
i on the other hand, am stylish
vicnan x blood in your eyes says: (3:53:21 PM)
-preens-

That boy is amazing.

Who's going to take care of us?

A little word of advice, don't assume that everyone will take care of you. At the end of the day, you are your own responsibility. As hard as we try, humans are not altruistic beings. We'll not be intentionally nasty, but we will always look after No. 1.

"Oh no, so boring because it's all about other people..." - Need I say more?

And you wonder WHY we're insecure?

Voluptuous, zero-fat bodies with round perky boobs, perfect hair and teeth. He'll always say: "Damn, she's hot!" and more often than not, we (the girlfriends) are sitting right next to them. How the hell are we not supposed to feel inadequate?

Here we are with our less than perfect figures, on this never ending conquest for the hour glass, the toned abs and thighs, the dazzling smile, the silky hair and the flawless complexion.

You have always drooled over girls like that, you know you have. Your girlfriend knows you have. Lord knows we're reminded of it every day. We turn on the television, open a magazine, watch a movie. Heck, the advertisement for Deep Blue on FoxTel went something like this:

"Alba. Walker. Hot. Wet. Alba. Walker. Hot. Wet. Alba. Walker. Hot. Wet. Need we say more?"

Walker got a two second clip. Alba took up the other 28 seconds, almost.

So you have to wonder, if they had the choice between those incredibly gorgeous women and us, who would they choose? Would he still look at us in the eye, kiss our forehead and say: "You."?

Please say that you love us for who we are inside and that you're really not as shallow as you make yourselves sound a lot of the time.

By the way, Date Movie really is a pathetic movie that shows us exactly how disgusting humans really are. We really are a sad race and we're not ashamed of it are we?

The Last Minute Panic

It's that time of the semester again! The time where we all have a lot less sleep, take in a lot more coffee, rediscover energy drinks and appreciate our pillows a whole lot more - and simply because you can put them on the chair to make your seat more comfy; on the table so you can take a five minute power nap; can use it to help you stop giving yourself brain damage when you get fed up and start banging your head on the keyboard (I do NOT recommend this).

Welcome to Deadline Week!

Following up in the true Australian way, I have already applied for an extension for one of my essays. The reason being that I have an exam and two other essays due in that same week or so. Not fun. Except that the essay that I have the extension for is the essay that I really want to do and get over with. Hmph.

My next week or so looks like this:
1) Psychology MCQ Exam (NOT as easy as it sounds)
2) Media and Meaning Proposal
3) TV Cultures Essay on Little Britain
4) Literature Comparative Essay on The Outsider and The Beloved

Oh Shit.

What makes it worse is that I'm a rather last minute person. I enjoy doing things under time pressure and working right up to the last minute. That's not a formula for success in Uni. It works in the real world because things do come in last minute, but here where you need to support everything with at least seven sources of credible information, it just doesn't work.

I really did do my best to get started on the M&M essay on Monday. A classmate of mine, Liam, and I sat at his place and discussed how we can apply different theories to our assignments. That was just before the sun bore down and the pool glistened in the corner of our eyes. Pool? Essay? Pool? Essay?

"We'll discuss the essay whilst we're in the water...."

What a joke. We sat there and said "Technological Determinism" several times before we just gave up. To be fair, we did do a rather good job at explaining to each other how Technological Determinism and Social Shaping of Technology would tie in with our own projects proposals. I even managed to throw in a little de Certeau as well. Not bad eh?

Dad thinks it's a joke (and all his mates) that I'm actually doing an essay on Little Britain.
"I'm actually paying money for this?"
"Yes, Daddy. You see we have to compare it with similar shows and discuss it in relation to different aspects like Gender and Sexuality or Political Correctness. It's really quite complex."
He didn't think so. Que sera. I'll show him the final product. I'm aiming for a really good grade for this one.

Don't take literature if you can't deal with morbid books. Each of our books have been rather mystical and gloomy if you ask me. The last one even gave me nightmares - but in all honesty, it was a bloody good book. If anyone knows where to get hold of the DVD of The Beloved (starring Oprah) then let me know, I'm desperate to watch it.

Two more weeks and all this will be over. Then it's a matter of days before the kid sister and cousin arrive from Singapore. Then it'll be time to go home. Scary thought. It seems like last week when everyone was crying and waving me off. Well, I'm coming home...

Saying Goodbye is never Easy

Kissed the parentals goodbye today as they left for their flight back home. After a week with them by my side, I feel quite lost. As they disappeared behind the cold metallic walls, I felt like a piece of me was missing.

Immediately I'm bundled up, kissed and told that I'm not alone. That's how I know I'm safe, I'm looked after, I'm loved.

I've been spending some time making connections with people I've stopping connecting with over the past two years, talking to people who I haven't talked to in a while, avoided or didn't have the time for because I was too caught up in someone else and spent time with people I wouldn't normally spend time with.

Apologies.

If I haven't really seen you in a while, then when I get back to Singapore in December, holler and get me out for coffee. I need to see you all again. Angeline, Lahgoonahs, Leon, Glenn, Nic, Owen, Rae (girl, I wish you were here. I really miss you), Bitch (although I know you won't be around during the holidays) and the list kinda goes on like the Nile...

Heh. When I'm gone, I'll be saying the same thing about Lix, Singz and Sarah, all the Bytes and especially my B.

We'll say goodbye, I suppose, but what I really mean each time I say it is (although I'm Brit and really don't like the Frogs) "Au Revoir"...